Rowb's Tales Of Twilight And Hilariousity
by TweedleBugQueen
Summary: A collection of the things Steph didn't include in her books, the funniest memories that the gang has experienced.
1. Jasper's Strange Episode

**A/N:** **Okay, so I know that I haven't been very consistant with my last story, but I'm actually working on a novel right now, so I'm sorry. I have decided that doing a short Twilight story would be a little fun, so here goes. Now, I don't want to offend anyone, because I don't own Twilight or any of it's characters. If you don't want to read about people making fun of Twilight at all, then don't read. I love Twilight and just because I'm writing a funny short story about it doesn't mean that I'm not a fan of Stephenie Meyer, I have read the Twilight series and The Host, and I must say, they were all wonderful! Now let's get on with the story!**

**JASPER'S STRANGE EPISODE**

**BPOV**

I was sitting in Edward's room waiting for him to come home from hunting. He and Emmett had gone on another trip before Alice was going to show us her 'Wedding Designs', she was being very professional about it. She had a whole schedule planned out just for our wedding. Personally, I wouldn't have minded if we sat in my living room while Charlie was at work and planned it out there, but when I would mention that to Alice she would get upset and remind me that she had no human memories at all, that this was as close as she could get, and I would cave.

All of a sudden, a noise came from Alice and Jasper's room. Normally I wouldn't have checked it out because, honestly, I'm a little afraid of walking in there, but when I looked down the hallway I noticed that their bedroom door was open. Naturally, I went to check it out.

I started down the hallway a little cautious. When I got all the way to the end, I paused at their door to listen and see if it was safe to enter. And I heard something strange, "Hello banana! You're such a cute banana, I think I'll name you Fred. Fred the banana! Say hello to Alice, Fred!" it was Jasper, what was going on?

I peered around the corner to see what was wrong with him, he was sitting on the floor with a banana and Alice, well, she looked a little annoyed. He was holding the banana in his hand and was playing peek-a-boo with it. _What the..._ I thought to myself while suppressing a laugh.

"How are you Mr. Fred? I'm very fine thank you. You are? You are! Oh, that's wonderful! How exciting! I hope I get to see it! Oh, how nice." and he kept cooing at it like he was mental.

Alice looked up at me standing in the doorway, Jasper didn't seem to notice as she stood up. She walked over to me and motioned for me to back out of the room, I did and she followed me, shutting the door behind us.

I looked up at her, bewildered. Jasper had gone insane! Why would he act like this? And with a banana! He named the thing, if that weren't bad enough. And now he was hearing voices inside his head and he was having conversations with it? I felt bad for Alice.

"Hello Bella." Alice greeted me rigidly.

"Uh, hey Alice." I answered.

She stood there for a second, twiddling her fingers, "Bella, could you not tell anyone about this? Jasper seems to have an imaginary friend from when he was young, you know, a human, and he doesn't seem to want to let go of it." she frowned even as she said it.

"Sure Alice, does anyone else know about this?" I asked, a little embarassed.

"No, well I'm sure Edward does but he must be too mortified to mention it to anyone, and Carlisle and Esme do, but that's it." she admitted.

I looked down at my feet, struggling very hard to suppress my laughter, but a giggle escaped. My hands shot to cover my mouth and I looked up at Alice to see how she would react. I was relieved to see that she was smiling at me.

"Look Bella, I know it's weird but I don't think there will be anymore of this, I'm going to lay down the law. Vampires don't play with inanimate objects!" she exclaimed, "Oh, is he going to get a mouthful."

I looked her in the eye and saw that she wasn't too upset, "Look Alice, if you need anything, anything at all. You know where to find me for support." I joked.

She looked up at me and saw that I wasn't being serious, we both burst out laughing. Just then, Jasper walked out of the room and shut the door behind him. He straightened his tie and nodded at each of us, "Bella, Alice." he said, and he went downstairs.

I watched him go and went into hysterics, Alice picked me up and took me to Edward's room. "It's okay Bella, just calm down." she soothed, which made me laugh so much harder.

"Stop . . . trying . . . laugh . . . not . . . funny." but I couldn't help it.

Alice stood up and walked to the door, "I know how this must feel to you, but I can assure you, you will be fine. This is not your fault." and she grinned and shut the door behind her with a click.

A few moments later Jasper entered the room and a calm feeling washed over me, he looked embarassed. Alice had obviously filled him in about what happened and now he was embarassed. Now I really didn't want to calm down, his expression made it so much more hilarious. But, Jasper being himself, calmed me down and made me sleepy and before I knew it, I was woken up by Edward.

"Hello, my love." he smiled my favorite crooked smile.

"Hey, Edward." I smiled back, though not anywhere near as wonderfully, no one could smile quite like Edward.

He pulled me up into his lap and looked at me, "You've had quite a day, Alice was thinking about it when I walked in." he had an amused expression on his face.

"It was so weird Edward, Jasper, he had a banana! And I -," I started laughing uncontrollably again.

Edward leaned down so our faces were level and kissed me, when he pulled away I was in a daze. "What was that for?"

"For being so mouthwateringly beautiful, you are most beautiful when you are laughing or crying." he answered happily.

"You've never mentioned that one." I answered.

And as I was pulled into another embrace, I could hear Emmett downstairs, "FRED! FRED YOU'RE HOME!"

I looked into Edward's eyes, they were laughing along with Emmett downstairs, "Don't tell me you told him!" I gasped.

"Listen Bella, nothing will get Jasper to stop with this nonsense more than being humiliated in front of everyone, or Emmett knowing about it. Trust me, I did him and Alice a favor."

"I know Edward, but Jasper is going to die when he finds out that Emmett knows."

Edwards whole body started to shake, "Oh Bella, I'm pretty sure he already knows."

And no sooner had he said it, Alice stormed into the room. "Which one?" she hissed.

Edward turned me out to face her and said, "I have a very fragile object, so think before you kill me."

He couldn't see the expression on her face, it was menacing. I cowered and shrank in his grasp. Alice looked from me to Edward, and back again.

"Put her down."

He looked her in the eye, I could tell he was reading her thoughts, making sure she wasn't going to kill him, "Let me take her downstairs, then we can settle this." he replied.

"You don't want to do that, Jasper and Emmett are having a go at each other downstairs." she answered through her teeth.

He looked down at me and back up at her face, "Then let me put her down here and we'll take this outside."

She looked at him, "Fine."

Edward kissed my forehead and set me on the empty space of couch next to him.

He ran to the window, yanked it open, and jumped out. I saw Alice roll her eyes before she followed him out. I hoped that they were laughing out there, like I was in here.

I sighed and waited it out, this would be a long day.

**A/N: I know that this chapter sucked, but I don't have the heart to take it out of the story. I know that it still sucks, even after I edited it. But it seems that a few of you guys enjoy this chapter, plus it's important for the next one: 45 ways to annoy Edward Cullen. Well, not really but I'm too lazy to edit a line out of that one too. XD - RxR because you know how much it means to me! Plus it's an incentive for me to finish the story!**


	2. 45 Ways To Annoy Edward Cullen

45 THINGS TO DO TO EXTREMELY ANNOY EDWARD CULLEN

1 Steal all his CDs and open up a music store, include all his musical intruments and his highly expensive music system, then when no one buys the symphonies donate them to a rest home.

2 After accomplishing #1 laugh and wave your newly accuired money bags in his face and dance around his now-empty room.

3 Tell him that Bella fell off a very high building and that Jasper drank all her blood and is now lying in the streets drunken because he has been deprived off human blood for so long.

4 Tell Bella that if she falls off said building that Edward will be forced to change her, place Jasper below her, then push.

5 Say the elves did it whenever you are confronted for annoying actions, you may also say that the flying spider monkeys must be up to trouble again.

6 Pour itching powder into Rosalie's lingerie drawer and blame it on Edward.

7 Steal Jasper's banana, leaving a ransom note signed by Ace the Apple, in Edward's handwriting. (see first chapter)

8 Tell Emmett all Edward and Bella's dirty little secrets.

9 One of the said secrets is that he is alone with Bella in her room everynight.

10 Donate his grand piano to the crash-test-dummy business and watch as they ram a car into it, then think about it all the time to provoke Edward.

11 Tell Bella that the Volturi are coming for her, then give her a note in Aro's hand saying her life will end soon, then think about it, Edward will hunt you down. Should be fun.

12 Force Jasper to make friends with the werewolves, he will like them so much that he will hang out with them all the time, fogging up Alice's vision, blame it on Edward.

13 Think about changing Bella yourself, hoping Edward will pick a fight with you.

14 Beat him at said fight.

15 Hide Bella in the woods and tell Edward and the rest of the family that there is a treasure hunt, leave clues describing Bella's traits and hide them all over the forest.

16 When you hide Bella for said treasure hunt, plant Jacob next to her, he will try to seduce her and they will be kissing very passionately when Edward finds her.

17 Laugh evilly because you know that Jacob is with Bella on said treasure hunt, fogging up Alice's vision so no one can find her.

18 Convince Rosalie that if she kills Bella her perfect life will go back to normal.

19 Slip poison into Bella's soda, forcing Edward to change her or she will die.

20 Just before his wedding, pour mud all over everything, tell him that you let a muddy pig in the house because it was addressed to him and Bella as a wedding present, then run away from Alice, who will be steaming mad and very willing to kill you.

21 Steal the carved wolf on Bella's charm bracelet and tell her that Edward took it and gave it to Jacob with a note in her handwriting saying she never wants to see him again.

22 Laugh at her face after you have performed #21

23 Lock Bella alone in a cage with a crazed bloodthirsty vampire, provoke Edward.

24 Call Edward weird nicknames such as, Edwardo, Edweirdo, Edweena, Edwenis, Eddie, Ed, and/or Edwombat.

25 Call him Edward Masen, instead of Cullen.

26 Tell him you had an ex-boyfriend called Edward Masen, then laugh when he says he's never had you as a girlfriend, then proceed to remind him that his father's name was Edward Masen too.

27 Laugh at his face after performing #26

28 Repeat #26 but instead of telling the story to Edward proceed to tell the rest of his family and Bella, then laugh at their faces.

29 Cut holes in all of Rosalie and Alice's shirts, then their bras will be exposed, blame it on Edward.

30 Make a music tape of Bella screaming in pain and play it over and over in Edward's room, then when he is devastated that he couldn't get to her in time tell him that she is fine and downstairs.

31 Run as fast as you can away from him after making sure #30 has been accomplished.

32 Teach the entire family the Soulja Boy, and continue to perform it in front of him around 300 times until he is on his knees begging you to stop, then do it 500 more times laughing the entire time you do.

33 Crash his Volvo, then when he buys another more faster car, crash that too.

34 Blare the song Sexy Back from his room and when he enters Bella will be strapped to a chair, make sure she is wearing clothes, you want to annoy him, not die.

35 (continued from #34) make sure Jacob is in the room when Edward enters, then laugh and laugh and laugh as Jacob runs to the treaty line, he will dance all up and down the treaty line and Edward won't be able to hit him at all.

36 Run away when Bella tells Edward it is all your fault.

37 When Edward claims he has all the CDs in the world tell him that you have some in your room, laugh when he says he wasn't speaking in literal terms, laugh and say you knew that then lock your room so he can't retrieve the CDs you stole.

38 Tell him you have a mountain lion pie for him then shove a pumpkin pie down his throat instead, laugh when he realizes there is no meat or blood in the pie at all. Then run away as fast as you can.

39 Perform #38 on Bella except telling her you have a pumpkin pie, then shove a mountain lion pie down her throat, laugh masochistically as Edward tries to kill you, then run to Bermuda where he won't be able to find you.

40 Play Edwards piano with your toes, making sure all the fungus from your toes gets stuck between the keys

42 Skip the number 41, then have Edward read this list, when he gets to 42 he will be extremely annoyed that there is no 41

43 Speak in one word sentences in front of him.

44 Teach Bella some offensive vampire jokes, have her say them to you while you are recording it. Then put it on a loudspeaker all over the Cullen's house, laugh until your eyes pop out.

45 Tell Edward that Bella has dyed her hair blonde, then put make-up on Rosalie making her look like Bella, when Edward realizes that the girl he is kissing and holding is not Bella run from him.

46 When Emmett finds out about #45 run from him too, except tell him that Rosalie dyed her hair brown, then make Bella look like Rosalie, run from both Edward and Emmett, they will be annoyed by both #45 and #46

THANK YOU FOR READING, I HAD SO MUCH FUN WITH THIS!

REVIEW OR I WILL NOT CONTINUE, THAT'S A PROMISE.

Tweedlebugqueen


	3. Chapter One Nessie&Jake story 1

**A/N: Okay, so I know that I haven't done this story in such a long time, but....I don't care, I think that this is a good pick-me-up after a long day at school so meh! And you might not get chapters as often as you want, but like I said, this is mainly for my entertainment, I just get the joy of sharing it with all my FF buddies! ON WITH THE TEXT!**

**This chapter will have spoiler alerts for Breaking Dawn, but you should have read it by now, if not, tsk tsk tut tut, why are you STILL here? Shame on you.**

**A/N: Hey guys, I know I haven't updated in a long time, but I have other projects you know, and I get pretty busy but now that I'm on break from school I'll be able to write more frequently**

**Okay, haha this chapter is in.....**

**who's point of view?**

**Are you people who haven't read BD still here because this is a huge spoiler!**

**RENESMEE'S POV!**

**Well, let's get to it!**

Jacob. Jacob. Jacob. The reason my heart was beating, the reason no one hurt me, the man I loved, my Jacob.

He was tracing the planes of my face, along my cheekbone, across the lines of my lips, down the length of my nose. I sighed and I could almost see him smile at me through my eyelids, so I smiled back.

"Jacob, my Jacob." I sighed again, he chuckled.

"Ah, Nessie, you're awake."

"No I'm not, I'm asleep still."

He laughed,"You still have some of the same traits you did when you were little. I remember when you were born."

I smiled, "Tell me again."

"But you've heard it a thousand times!" he laughed at me, I didn't like to be laughed at.

"I know, but I love that story." I grumbled.

He laughed again, but not at me this time, "You sure? How about you show me how you remember it."

I only remembered when my mom had attacked him and Seth had jumped in the way, and that was my earliest memory. "You already know that I can't." I pointed out.

"I know." he said, then there was a pause and I smiled when he started up again, "Well, Bells was on the couch drinking her blood and then she felt this pain right? So she stood up and kind of keeled over and out poured a fountain of blood. Edward and Blondie told me that meant she were in labor, though I already had figured that out." he rolled his eyes, I just knew it, "You were kind of a monster Ness, I thought you were going to kill the woman I loved-" I had made a nasty gagging sound, "well, the woman I loved at the time!" he cried indignantly.

"Okay, I know, I know! Finish." I ordered.

"'Kay, so then they rushed you upstairs and they started taking you out of her and Blondie couldn't handle it so she had to leave the room. And once Edward had got you out I started giving Bells CPR and then she saw you and you bit her. Your dad pulled out this needle, and he placed it over her heart and injected his own poison into her and then he started to bite her everywhere he could in a desperate attempt to save her. But I knew she was gone, I thought that she was dead." He trailed off.

"And you proceeded to go downstairs to kill me." I pointed out merrily, this was my favorite part.

I could easily see his smile through my closed eyelids, "Yeah, mine too, so as I ran down the stairs I thought of just going straight for you and then if I could get to Rosalie I would, I was just about to charge at you when she turned a little ways and these big, brown, beautiful, chocolate colored eyes looked directly into mine, it was like you were searching my very soul, knew everything I had ever thought or heard. All these feeble balloons of love for Bella and hate for you and heartbreak just cut themselves loose and instead steel cables nailed themselves where the balloons had been and they all connected to one thing, the one thing that I could not live without. You."

I smiled, I liked the sound of that.

"You, of course, know the rest. The way I became a sort of big brother to you, then when you got older we became best friends, and now..."

"I love you more than myself or anyone else." I promised.

He patted my hand, and I suddenly realized that I had been asleep. Of course I had been asleep, but I was in a slumped sitting position. "Are we in the car?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said and when I opened my eyes I saw him replace his hand from mine to the steering wheel.

I looked out the window, we weren't far from my house, "Are we going to a pack meeting?"

Things had definitely changed in the pack since Jacob had imprinted on me. His pack had certainly grown, Seth and Leah were still with him after eight years and a short while after I had been born Quil and Embry had joined, Claire was always with us now and so was Tyler Crowley, who had been my mother's friend in high school, and who Leah had imprinted on, so was Trinity, who was Quil's soulmate, and Seth hadn't imprinted yet. Though the Elders had told the original pack that imprinting was unusual and that not many went through it, it was common and almost _all_ the boys had their other half now.

We still talked to Sam and Emily and their pack, because they were Jacob's brothers and they respected the strange imprinting that him and I shared. See, my father is a vampire, along with my mother and my two aunts and uncles and my grandma Esme and grandpa Carlisle. But my mother hadn't been a vampire when she had me, she was still human, as is my grandpa Charlie who is known by the small town of Forks as Cheif Swan. But as Jacob said, giving birth to me nearly killed her and that's when my father changed her, my mother became a vampire and I lived.

"No, we're not going to a pack meeting." he said, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Oh," I said, "well then where exactly are we going?"

"Did you forget?" he asked me, his eyes were gleaming with the laughter he was holding back.

I repostitioned my back and ran my hand across my forehead and through my hair, "Uh, maybe."

He rolled his eyes dramatically, "I'll give you a hint."

"Um, okay."

He reached across the car and opened the glovebox. Inside was a little paper with a picture of a dress on it, he handed it to me. "Look at it closely, you might not figure it out." he sounded sarcastic, like I was supposed to know exactly what he was talking about, but I didn't, I just stared at it a little dumbfounded.

It was a beautiful drawing, and I wasn't exaggerating, the dress would be fit for the red carpet when it came to life, and I was a little jealous of whoever it was for. It was a beautiful midnight blue gown, and it looked like a dyed wedding dress, like it should have been white and in a chapel on the body of some sort of supermodel. The torso of it was a corset with thin material cinched down the center of it, the straps were thin but not too much so. The lower half was big and full and bussled all around, held up with little silver roses, and they really were made of silver. I could tell that my Aunt Alice had drawn this, especially by the little details around the hem and there were little boxes showing exactly what stitch to do where, how exactly to sew the roses on so that they would never come loose. I was completely confused why in the universe _Jacob Black_ would be in possession of this paper, which was lamanated so that no water damage could harm it.

"You're right." I said in awe.

He glanced at me for a moment before looking back at the lane ahead of him. "Right about what?"

I rolled my eyes, "Is your skull really that thick?" I joked.

When he didn't laugh with me I kissed his cheek, "Don't do that!" he half shouted at me.

"What? Why?"

"You will distract me from my driving." he said.

I wiggled my eyebrows,"Well, if you really want to get distracted I could show you the dream I had last night."

He winced,"Please don't, we'll get in a wreck."

"I won't, and your Ferrari will live." I pointed out.

"No, it won't." he whined.

"You're so nice." I mumbled.

He looked at me, confused as usual,"What's wrong?"

"Well, you're not even concerned about what would happen to me if we got into an accident." I said.

"You know you'd make it, you're practically made of rock, literally Ness." he said.

"So what?" I joked.

He changed the subject,"So, have you cracked the code?"

"What code?"

"The one that's in your hand!" he said slowly, making sure my _slow_ brain could comprehend it.

"Yeah," I said hesitantly, "about that. What's it for?"

Now he looked hurt,"The prom." he mumbled, "If you'll go with me."

I laughed,"The prom isn't for another _month and a half_!"

"The prom is in two weeks." he said.

I stopped, "Oh, really?"

"Yeah." he ground his teeth.

I sat there for a minute, what could he possibly be mad about now? "What's wrong?" I asked.

He gripped the steering wheel.

"Did you think that I was saying _no_? Are you crazy Jake? Of course I am going with you! How could you possibly even consider that I wouldn't? Oh, Jake, of c-" he cut me off.

"Okay Nessie, I get it." he told me.

I sat there, I couldn't decide whether I was excited or not. My first prom, and I could go with the best guy in the world. But I inherited the embarassment trait from my mother. Though the dress was beautiful and I could completely see myself in it, it was also a thought that included Jacob, I could see myself in front of my Uncle Emmett while Jacob looked lovingly into my eyes, a wedding day, not the prom, and definitely not in that dress. The dress was too extravagant for a small town high school dance. Since Alice had joined the activities committee of Forks, (yes, I was shocked they had one too) the prom had been held in Port Angeles in a hotel ballroom with very intricate decorations, she would go nuts if I told her that I would be going to prom with Jacob. I didn't see how I could put myself into that kind of situation as it was, let alone in this dress.

We drove all the way to Seattle before Jake finally parked into a store called Murphey's Wedding Dress Emporium, I knew it.

"It's been a long time since we got an order like this, and in midnight blue, that's a little surprising to me." the elderly man showing us the dress said,"I really love weddings you know, seeing the bond between two young people, and sometimes old crockers like me, can be miraculous. You two are really going to make it, oh and honey, you remind me of my wife, you'll look stunning in this little number, it will bring out your eyes." he began showing me the intricacies of the dress and I blushed. "Blushing brides are always the best ones." he beamed at me.

My face became redder,"I think you are mistaken, we're not getting married."

"My apologies, but this dress is so expensive, what could it possibly be for?" he inquired.

Jake saved me from more humiliation,"Her aunt is big in the party industry, prom."

The little man laughed,"With a dress like this, she'll be the belle of the ball."

This time I was the one to laugh, "Belle, that's so close to my mother's name."

He smiled at me,"Was she the attractive woman who xeroxed a copy of the dress to me? Or was she the one who came in to make sure the dress was being handmade?"

I hadn't thought that it was possible, but my face reddened even more,"No that was probably my aunt Alice, she's short and pixie like, she also has short, choppy, black hair that sticks out in all directions, really pretty?"

"That's the one, her eyes were extraordinarily gold though, it startled me when she came in."

"She startles most people." Jake quipped.

I agreed,"Heads do tend to turn when she's in the room."

The man pretended to be busy with the dress but it seemed like he had blushed too, he probably had a nice wife and a whole family at home but Alice was sure to make anyone smile.

The dress was grander in person, the drawing had been feeble in comparison, I guessed that Alice had been here earlier today to help him see exactly what else she needed to be done before I got here. I was actually surprised that she wasn't here to make me try it on and so forth, but she most likely wasn't done with it quite yet. On the petals of the silver roses were tiny little diamonds that I assumed were supposed to be like dew drops, the roses looked so real, and the diamonds didn't look like they weren't water droplets either, I marvelled at it. "There is no way I can accept this." I murmured.

"Mrs. Alice did say that you were rather unspoiled, she told me not to call the home phone so that your mother might not answer the phone on accident, of course your father knew about the whole ordeal, he actually came in with her a few times. The resemblance to you and Mr. Edward really is extraordinary. He doesn't look a day older than twenty five if I do say so myself, he must be aging well if he has such a wonderful seventeen year old daughter like you. If I was told right, your mother tries very hard not to spoil you too much, though I know you come from a very wealthy family. I did her veil and located the antique lace on her wedding dress and mind you, that was worth so much money, only a celebrity could have afforded it."

Jake beamed at me,"Yeah, she's pretty unselfish, unspoiled, and she doesn't get pampered much. Her family lives in a big mansion except her mother and father moved out with her and took her into a cottage in the woods so that she wouldn't feel too much like a little princess."

"Well," the man laughed, "I just got done designing your other aunt's dress, what was her name? Rosalie! Let me tell you that she is the most stunning woman besides my wife that I have ever seen!"

"Yes," I agreed, "I get rather jealous of her sometimes."

Jake walked around the dress, admiring it's beauty,"You've no reason to be jealous of her, _you_ can live a normal life. I think that you might even be able to have children, when that's what she's always wanted but never had." he whispered and winked at me,"Plus, no one is as beautiful as you are." it made me blush.

"I love it when you do that." he whispered.

I went three shades darker, he chuckled and took my hand.

..............[.......]..............

We had gotten home soon enough, it hadn't taken long and I was relieved when I was told that Alice wasn't home, but of course that wouldn't last for long.

"So I see that you went to Seattle today, you were thinking about it when you came in." my dad said while he was giving me my lesson.

"Oh yeah, I can't believe you didn't tell me."

I scribbled down some more calculus answers, "Do you think you'll be going with Jake?" he asked.

See, the thing with my dad is that he doesn't really like Jacob, and apparently he never has. A long time ago when Jacob loved my mother, he and my father got into a fight over her, my dad had loved her first, and he had won. They played really dirty according to Jake, because Mom couldn't remember and Dad didn't like to talk about it because of me being his daughter, he felt uncomfortable. There weren't any secrets from me in my family, I knew about everything. It didn't help them to hide it when I could just touch their hand while they were sleeping to see what had happened before, that is, if that's what they were dreaming about.

I rolled my eyes,"Yes dad."

"You say that as if you are in pain." he smiled.

"Nope."

A few minutes passed by in silence, I finished my math and proceeded onto my english literature lesson, it's hard to go into high school when you age so quickly, and people would wonder why when I was supposed to be nine years old, I was a fully grown seventeen year old. It had been decided that Jake would pose me as his girlfriend and I would only go to La Push and places with Jake, I would be friends with my mom and dad and hang out with them occassionally, oh and I went by my middle name, Carlie.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

I bit my lip hesitantly, "Has Nahuel been around lately?"

"Oh, that." he said.

"Has he?" I asked.

He looked up from the lesson book he was showing to look at me,"Why? Are you thinking of dumping Jake?" he sounded hopeful.

"I don't think you fully understand the force imprinting has on _both_ parties." I said looking at my work again.

"Look, you know I don't really like Jake honey, but I'm just trying to understand _why_ you are inquiring about Nahuel again." he said.

"I just don't want to see him get hurt. There's no way that I could be with him." I pointed out.

My dad sat there for a moment, he looked like he was thinking really hard. I didn't want to know what he was on about so I picked up Carlisle's copy of As You Like It and started skimming through it for my test. That's the great thing about home schooling, I get to do my tests on whatever books I like, I get to do whatever credits I want, and I can have a different teacher every day if I want to. Carlisle came home early every now and then and on fridays he taught me biology. Saturdays I had to do my homework for the whole week, which was today and it didn't take very long; sundays I got to do whatever I wanted; mondays, since everyone hated them, I got a day off so that made me happy, on tuesdays I started out the week with my favorite subject, cooking, which had greatly interested me since I decided to stop hunting if I could help it, so I didn't have a bad day on the first one and I only had one class that day I had that subject with Esme. Wednesday was english and math with my dad; thursday was history with who else but Jasper, and sewing with Alice and Rosalie; friday, gym with Emmett and economics with my mom but we usually blew that off and went to do something else that was fun, like play tag, which was really hard for me when she was a full blown vampire and could run so much faster than I can.

My dad touched my hand to stop me from my work. "Honey, one day Jacob will start to age again, he won't live forever. Maybe when that happens and you grieve for fifty years, you and Nahuel can find a mutual understanding and you might be able to live a relatively happy life."

I ripped my hand from underneath his, "That won't happen." I scribbled the last two words of my test and handed it to him. "If I'm not mistaken, I'm done with my homework for today, I'm going to hang out with Emmett."

"Renes-"

"Dad," I cut him off, "Jacob will _always_ be here, you do not understand _anything_ about werewolves."

"I'm sorry honey, but that might happen one day and you need to know about it before you get too far in the relationship, you and Jacob were best friends only three months ago, you just barely fell in love with him-"

"No I did not. I've loved him for two years, but I didn't say anything because he was my very closest friend, one of my only friends. Also, I had the body of a fourteen year old, I knew it wouldn't get me anywhere until I was older, and even then I didn't want to jeaopordize anything, have you any idea how happy I was when he explained the mechanics of his imprinting? When he told me he loved me too? I just _know_ he will always be here, it's a sort of intuitive sense I have. I'm on cloud nine, don't knock me to hell telling me that he will _die_!" I slammed my textbooks closed and stormed out of my room in a fury, desperate to beat the rest of the family at the weekly baseball game, except my mother and father would be on a date so they wouldn't be joining us.

"Hey wolfgirl, need a milkbone?"

"Be nice Emmett." I grumbled.

He flexed his muscles,"Aw, kid, don't get upset, your dad means well."

My vision became blurred with a red tinge,"You were listening?"

He held up his hands,"Don't get mad Nessie, you know that my ears are extra sensitive." he started to back away.

I deflated,"Yeah I know, I forget sometimes."

"I don't forget anything." he said cockily, I tossed a rock at his now bobbing head.

"Hey!" he cried indignantly.

I began to run, of course I didn't get three feet when his arms closed around my torso and he threw me over his back. "Now you really asked for it!" he yelled, heading towards the river.

I was humiliated.

Here I was, playing with Emmett and provoking him with a river in close proximity to us in front of the glass wall of my family's house, that was so not smart. I was going to explode.

"No! Emmett please! Please, no!" I laughed, pounding on his back, which he didn't even feel, "Let me go! Please let me go, you can do something else if you want, but not the river! Please! Pleeeaaaaseeee!"

He didn't listen, and he didn't care, he swung really hard and threw me into the water laughing his head off.

I went under for a total of fifteen seconds, if I had to be in the ice cold water on a spring day in Forks, I was going to enjoy it. It was hot outside anyway, a total of sixty two degrees ferenheit and as much as I didn't like to be in the water, it was refreshing. When I came up I wiped the dripping hair out of my face and glared at him,"I will get you back." I promised.

"Maybe you will, maybe you won't." he taunted.

"I will." I repeated again.

"No, I really don't think so."

"Then _I_ will." a voice came from the shadows of the forest, but it didn't scare me, I knew who it was.

"Oh puh-lease, Dog, you can't do anything." Emmett bellowed in the direction where he knew Jake was hiding.

A chuckle came from the other side of the woods, Emmett stiffened. "Not alone he won't be able to...but with help it might be possible."

In a spilt second flash, with no warning, and it seemed coincidence that Jasper and Jake bounded out of the woods at the exact same time and tackled Emmett. He tried to fight them off only a moment too late and they chucked him into the river after me, slapping palms as they did so.

Of course they didn't think what would happen when they did that.

It all happened so fast, one minute I was laughing as the two friends tackled my uncle, and the next minute Emmett came hurtling towards the river right at me, and all I could think was that I had to get out of the way, and fast. First, I looked at Jake to see what he was doing, he was still laughing with Jasper but he glanced in my direction for a second, then I ducked into the water and swam as fast as I could to get away from where the trajectory of Emmett's fall would land him. In a matter of seconds he hit the water with an earsplitting splash and all of a sudden I felt a sharp, stabbing pain in my right leg. I hadn't been fast enough, and he had landed on it and had broken it. I tried to swim harder away but I couldn't make it to the bank, I heard a howl from above me and the last thing I saw was a big russet wolf looking painfully into my eyes before I went under.

..............[.......]..............


	4. Chapter Two Nessie&Jake story 1

**A/N: Hey look how fast I updated!! Just kidding, this was originally going to be a one-shot but I got a little carried away and wrote a short story instead. This chapter is in who's point of view?**

**JBPOV (RxR)**

I slapped palms with Jasper, that had been hilarious and muscle-man would be steaming mad when he came out of the river, he would probably try to kill me, and I didn't care, nothing better than a vampire versus werewolf fight before dinner. Of course it was all for Nessie, he had shamelessly thrown her in, so we got him back, it was only fair. As Emmett hurtled towards the water I watched her smile and then after a moment she ducked under the water, she began swimming really hard, why wasn't she just getting out of the water and coming to laugh with me? Then there was a mountain of water as Emmett hit the river, and all of a sudden I knew why, if she hadn't moved he would have landed right on top of her, and it would have killed her. Though she was a good few feet away I heard a muffled crunching sound and I felt a sickening wrench in my stomach. I felt myself trembling all over and I didn't even wait to take off my clothes, I phased and jumped into the water.

As I jumped, I howled her name, _Renesmee_! But she couldn't hear me. She was still swimming, though I could see that she was in pain, her eyelids drooped and she fell unconscious. I instinctively shoved Emmett away from her and grabbed her waist, I pulled her away from him and to the surface in three seconds flat.

Jasper went into protective mode,"What happened? Is she okay?" his eyes flicked to Renesmee's leg,"I need to call Carlisle, get her inside, I'll get Emmett out of the water and explain, he can go get Edward, and I think Bella just got home so he'll have to hurry."

"Enough said." I barked.

I set her down only for a moment while I morphed back into human form, I looked around for a bloodsucker around the great living room and on the stairs or landing, but I couldn't see one. "Hello? HELP ME!" I yelled desperately.

"Shut up dog." I heard Rosalie mutter from the kitchen.

It was so good to know someone was there,"Rose!" I bellowed, though I had never called her that before, but I would like to consider us friends now.

Irritably she said, "Ugh, _what_?" as she rounded the corner her eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. "What did you do to her?" she was next to me in a flash, trying to take Renesmee out of my arms.

"_No_!" I snarled,"Don't touch her!"

She ignored me and instead of trying to pry her out of my grasp again she started checking her out,"Her right leg is broken, right wrist fractured, and it looks like her left ankle might be broken too."

A tear rolled down my cheek as I looked down at her, how could one of my pranks have hurt her so bad? "She'll be alright? Won't she?" I begged.

"If Edward or Carlisle gets here in time she should be, otherwise she'll heal too quickly and they will have to rebreak the fractures, if her leg isn't set in a few moments then it will heal that way." she murmured, this time when she tried to take her out of my arms I let her.

"Oh no, oh no, oh no." I sobbed.

"'Oh no' is right, mutt." the sliding glass door slammed, shattering it to peices.

"Edward." Esme warned from the kitchen doorway, she looked worried.  
Edward looked like he was going to kill me, "You bet I am, dog. You back away from my daughter."

Jasper entered the room after him,"Ed, it isn't entirely his fault, I helped play a part." but he hurriedly started the story when Edward gave him the death glare,"You see, Emmett threw her over his shoulder after she threw a rock playfully at his head, then he threw her in the water, me and Jake were both in the woods and saw the whole thing, in a few moments we had a way to help Renesmee get back at him, so we threw him in after her, if she hadn't of moved out of the way his body weight would have killed her, there's just so much mass of him compared to her. If it's anyone's fault it's mine." he hung his head, I felt bad for the guy.

"I would feel more bad for myself if I were you." Edward snarled.

I rolled my eyes in irritatioin,"Why don't you stop reading my mind bloodsucker? And why don't you help me _fix_ her?"

He entered a fury then, Edward was everywhere, finding medical tools upstairs, getting water and a wet rag for Nessie if she woke up from the pain, retrieving some ice from the freezer to cool down her leg. In a few seconds Bella joined him, moving with a mother's instinct. It seemed like Nessie was starting to come back to consciousness but before she could notice or feel anything Blondie put some morphine in her system and she went back to sleep, she wouldn't feel anything that happened next. "We have to rebreak it," she said, "if you want her leg to heal right."

Bella's breath caught in her throat and tearless sobs started emerging from her voicebox, Edward glared at me. Just then Carlisle came in,"I'll do it." he winced. "You might want to leave the room Jacob, I don't think you'll be able to handle it."

I was outraged,"Do you think I'm going to leave her?"

Bella rolled her eyes,"She's not your daughter, Jacob."

"No, but she is the love of my life." I yelled at her.

Carlisle nodded and made to rebreak the leg and fractures quickly, then he started to set them where they needed to be, aided by Edward while Esme held Bella still as she shook. After a few minutes of casting her injuries so that she wouldn't be able to move them when she got up, Carlisle stood up and wiped his brow,"That should do it." he muttered, I immediatly went to go sit next to her, I lifted her head and sat down, laying it on my lap again.

I brushed the hair out of her face,"You'll be okay Renesmee, you always are." I soothed her quietly.

Bella walked behind me,"I'm really sorry Jake, for snapping at you, but I have to go get her changed."

"Okay." I mumbled.

Rosalie stood up,"I'll help."

With help from Esme they carried her upstairs to my room, which used to be Edward's but it was mine because he refused to have me sleep in the same house that Nessie was in if I was her boyfriend, I never slept there, Nessie did. Of course because she slept here when her parents needed to be alone, Nessie's extra clothes were up there too, along with the old bed of Bella and Edward's before they got married, the one with the black metal frame with the roses and butterflies all over it. They brought her down with a pillow and five million blankets in a few minutes. Her hair was completely dry and pulled into a ponytail away from her face, normally I would have marvelled at how beautiful she looked in her black silk pajama pants and her baby blue tank top, but because she was broken all that I could think about was her getting better.

I took five comforters from Bella's outstretched arms and made a little mattress next to the couch, then I took Renesmee from Rose and she put the pillow on it for me. I set Nessie down with great care onto the new bed and she smiled as she sank a little into the feather bed that I had put on the top, which was more of a blanket than a bed. Rosalie took a medium sized blanket from the top of Bella's stack and spread it out over her body, then I did the same thing. Bella put down all the blankets and laid a very old baby blanket that Renesmee had when she was little over her.

"Jake, make yourself a bed on the couch, you know you're not going home tonight." she ordered.

I tried to smile at her,"This is technically my home." I almost gagged, I hated the smell here, except in my own room of course. I would have to make Nessie walk a few laps around it before I could go in there again to get the vampire smell out, Renesmee didn't smell as sweet as her other relatives did, she smelled just right. She also thought that I didn't smell bad either, and didn't understand why the rest of her family did.

"You don't have to lie, Jacob." Edward said darkly from the corner.

"I'm not, it just reeks sometimes you know?"

"Yes, a little like it does right now, with you here." I brushed that off and let it slide, since I had just nearly killed his one and only daughter.

He snarled,"You're right, you did almost kill her, but that won't happen again."

"I know it won't, I already feel bad enough." I mumbled, he was great at guilt tripping me.

"You know, Renesmee asked about Nahuel today, I told her that one day you would die and maybe they would work out. I just might have to see that they work out whether you are gone or not. I already know he loves her, maybe just as much as you..."

I felt anger course through my body, it was something I just couldn't restrain, though I didn't go through metamorphosis, I glared daggers into the leech's eyes, he had crossed the line. Not even he could take her away.

"I can and I will dog." he snapped.

I lunged.

I grabbed his head and jerked him to the ground, of course I wouldn't kill him but I knew I could hurt him bad enough, he needed to be put back in his place, on the floor. He got in a few punches and I socked him in the face over and over again, pulled him in a headlock and wrestled him into the table before anyone interveined. Out of no where Jasper flew at me, "No Jake, do you want to be restricted from Renesmee?"  
He was talking to me like I was a dog, _No Jake, don't do that. Sit Jake, you will feel better if you obey me, if you do not you will die._ "Shut up!" I yelled at him and made to lunge at Edward again, the stupid bloodsucker was going to get it.

Emmett grabbed my arms and helped Jasper pull me away, "You _idiot_! You nearly KILLED her!" I bellowed and pivoted, smacking the stupid muscle-man in the face.

Rosalie pulled my head back by my hair,"Who do you think threw him onto Nessie? Hmm? You stupid mutt, _you're_ the one who nearly killed her, it's not his fault!"

I saw Emmett look in Edward's direction, he must have been silently asking to break my nose, and Edward must have nodded his approval, because in a second I heard my nose crack from his fist hitting my face and I felt a sharp pain before I blacked out just like Nessie had.

..............[.......]..............

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Hope you guys like the next chapter, unfortunately I think it will be the last one for this story. But if I were writing a novel it wouldn't be in this story would it? It would be on it's own!**

**RxR**

**Much love!**

**Tweedlebugqueen!**


	5. Chapter Three Nessie&Jake story 1

**RCPOV**

I woke up but kept my eyes closed, and my breathing even so that I could wait and see what was going on. But I found it next to impossible when I felt the pain that my leg was in, it wasn't as bad as before, but it was bad enough to cause some uncomfortable pangs in my calf. Another reason why I abandoned the idea was because everyone who was speaking was speaking fifty miles a minute and I could barely decipher anything that they were saying, but somehow I knew it was about me. When I recognized my Aunt Alice's voice I realized that they must be explaining what had happened today, to her.

I heard the click-clacking of heels on the white granite floor, it was coming towards me. I shifted my weight, it would look natural because the new sound stood out from the normal silence that had been before. The person paused and sighed, yep, it was Alice. She began walking towards me again, this time I stayed still and in a few moments she hesitantly sat on the blanket-bed next to me. She caressed my cheek as she always did when trying to comfort me, "Oh sweetie," she sighed, "What are we going to do with that meddlesome mutt of yours?" but the way she said it kept me from getting mad, Alice was the only one in the family besides my mom who felt genuinely close to Jake in a friend relationship, the others were just worried that he was going to hurt me. I knew she was going to touch my face again, so I remembered a dream about Jake that I had dreamt a few nights ago it had been a real memory though. She gasped in a small breath as she watched. We were laying in _our_ meadow, one completely separate from my parent's. The view of the dream was like a sliver screen movie, you saw both me and Jake laying there, the moonlight shining on our different colors of skin and defining our features. Jake was shirtless, but that's how I generally saw him, he never wore a shirt because of the heat that radiated off of his skin, he would just be uncomfortable with it on.

He leaned over and twisted his finger around one of my stray curls for a moment before tucking it back behind my ear, I sighed my encouragement. "I love you, so much." I sighed.

"You have absolutely no idea as to how much I feel for you." he whispered into my ear, wrapping his arms around my waist.

I smiled and opened my eyes to look at him,"I think I have an inkling."

The sounds of the night were peaceful, a stream trickled closeby and it calmed me. Jacob turned to face me, a new light in his eye. "No, I mean it, I really love you Renesmee." he caressed my cheek with the tips of his fingers, it caused a rippling shiver to flow down my spine. He smiled at me, he looked phenomenal.

He kissed my collarbone gently, "I love you." he whispered into my neck, then he kissed a fiery trail up my jawline and just under my ear.

He pulled back so that he could look at me, I stared into his eyes, "Me too, Jake." with that he tangled his fingers into my hair, "You smell so good." he murmured into it. He kissed my temple, then my lips.

Of course it started out slow and innocent, but there was no denying the chemistry between me and Jacob Black, the kiss deepened and he gently grazed my lower lip with his tongue. But then after a few seconds, it ended. It never went far, I wasn't ready for that yet, we were taking our relationship one day at a time. We went back to just looking into each other's eyes, and then I let the memory become hazy and fogged as I yawned. Alice pulled her hand away from my cheek and I heard the swoosh of air she left behind as she stood up and ran quietly to the other end of the room, showing my dad what I had shown her in her own thoughts. I grunted as she ended just at the same time that I had allegedly just woke up. I stared up at him for a moment with my big, brown, doe eyes, "Hi daddy."

He was by my side in an instant,"How are you honey?" he asked me, concern in every word he spoke.

I stretched my arms and found that a brace was on my hand and wrist, it hurt when I stretched it but I bit back the yell of pain, "I'm fine, considering..."

"No need to talk about it if you don't want to sweetie." my mother whispered from the other side of my little mattress, I turned to face her. Innocently I asked, "Where's Jacob?"

Dad let out an annoyed breath, "The first person you ask for is _Jacob_?"

"Yes." I answered stubbornly.

There was a knock on the door, my dad had a dazed look for a moment. After a few seconds of silence in the great room he looked at my mother, "It's Charlie." but I knew that he had only said that alloud for my benefit, of course she could tell who it was without being told by anyone.

"Let him come." she said.

When dad got up to go answer the door my mom picked up the baby blanket on the top of the bed and threw it over the seat on the couch. She laid me there and pulled an afghan over my legs, "The less he knows, the better. We'll say you've been playing baseball all day and sprained your leg." she turned on the tv to a popular music station and gave me a throw pillow to lie my head on, just before Edward answered the door she had returned from taking the other blankets and pillows upstairs to where they belonged and she situated herself next to me so that Charlie couldn't sit there and feel my cast through the afghan.

My dad opened the door, "Hey Charlie! Good to see you!" he was a very good actor, only moments before he had been really upset.

"Dad, what brings you here?" Bella asked, sounding pleasantly surprised. She wasn't as convincing as my dad, but it would do.

"I wanted to see my grandbaby, is she here?" he said hopefully, peering around Dad to see if I was in here.

The smile that erupted on my face was genuine, I didn't have to act when it came to Charlie. "There's my girl!" he beamed when he caught sight of me on the couch.

"Here I am!" I trilled, throwing my arms above my head in jazz hands.

He chuckled, "Where's Jake today?" he asked me.

Charlie had long since gotten over the strangeness of our other world, he had peiced most of the clues together and now the family knew that Charlie knew they were vampires, he didn't come out and say it, and neither did they, but it was evident that it was known. The day he had finally been confirmed of it was when he had rested his head on my mom's shoulder and had not heard a heartbeat, that did it for him. Lucky enough for me though, he knew I wasn't adopted, he had figured that out too, it made him happy that he was my biological grandfather. "Are you sure that your kind can have children?" he had asked my mother, her response had been,"I hadn't changed yet dad." and he had shook his head,"What a strange world I live in."

He also had figured out that our family, Jacob included, was done maturing. We were never going to get any older. Jacob had fully come out and told Charlie that we weren't going to, he said that it was a need-to-know thing and that he would have to accept it, or we would move away. Charlie knew that we would be leaving in a year or two, so he spent as much time around here as he could. Many a night you would find his porch light off and his cruiser not in the driveway because he was here with us, absorbing every memory he could make in such a short time.

"Jake's, well, where is Jacob?" I asked my mom.

She looked at Charlie,"Jake went for a walk." she said.

"Ah, that's nice." he said absentmindedly, he was more comfortable when Jacob wasn't here, because that meant that he could have my undivided attention, and he wouldn't have to see his best friend's twenty seven year old son give me the googley eyes, even though physically and mentally Jacob was still sixteen and a half. It was the age that he always insisted upon, when I was older we would acknowledge his real age rather than just his physical age.

"What happened to you Ness? You look like crap."

"Thanks Grandpa." I muttered.

His expression melted, "I didn't mean it that way honey, you just look tired..." he was staring at my leg, I readjusted the blankets to cover myself up.

"Nothing." I muttered at the same time Alice said, "Jake broke her leg."

In a moment Charlie's face was purple and he was on his feet, "Where is that bastard?" he bellowed.

"Thanks Alice, what happened to the baseball story?" I heard my dad mutter to her.

In a flash my mom was across the room and had her hands on Charlie's shoulders, "I told you Dad, he went for a walk. It was an accident." I glared at Alice.

"Well, technically it was Jacob, Jasper, and Emmett that did it. But don't worry Charlie, you can't do anything that you would regret, right?" she beamed.

"Unfortunately." he mumbled under his breath angrily.

..............[.......]..............

It was after dark, no one was in the living room with me, they had left me alone to sleep. Of course I wouldn't sleep, not until Jacob was home.

My Jacob.

How many times had he been there for me? How many times had I seen his smile and fallen in love all ovr again? Jacob was always there for me and he always listened to my opinion. Watching home movies together, going bowling with each other, holding hands on the beach. My mother was an idiot when she chose my dad over Jake, not that I didn't love my dad, but come on! Who wouldn't pick Jake over him?

There was a knock on the door, I sighed, he was back.

He didn't wait for me to answer it, he always knocked to let me know he was coming though. He knew I would be awake, waiting for him.

"Renesmee?" he whispered.

I looked to the door but I couldn't see him, "I'm here." I called to him.

"Shh, I don't want anyone to know what's going on."

"Oh, okay."

Suddenly I saw him kneeling down next to me, "Do you trust me?" he asked.

"Sure I do." I whispered, I hoped he would kiss me.

"I'm being serious, Renesmee, do you trust me completely? If you could leave your life in anyone's hands-"

"It would be yours." I interrupted him, "You already know that."

He smiled at me in the moonlight, "I'm going to blindfold you okay? But I promise you don't have to move."

Before I could answer I felt a scarf being put over my eyes, I could feel it being tied behind my head, I never once felt Jake leave my side. But I did hear the strike of a match. I wasn't alarmed though, I knew Jake would take care of me.

Not a moment later I felt the fabric being pulled from my eyes, so I closed them.

I heard a low chuckle, "Open your eyes Nessie."

I did as he said, and gasped at what I saw, candles were everywhere, there must have been hundreds of them everywhere. Had he put them there while I was sleeping? No, that was impossible. "How - " I asked.

"Alice, Rose." he said.

I nodded, that was completely believeable.

"You know I love you Renesmee, right?"

"Yes." I breathed.

He took my hands in his, "You understand that I want to be here for you forever, right?"

I nodded my head, what was all this about?

My eyes followed his hand, _Oh my God is he on one knee?_ I looked into his eyes in utter shock.

Jacob took one of his hands from mine and reached into his pocket, I was beside myself with joy. "Renesmee Carlie Cullen, I love you with every inch of my being, every beat of my heart is for you. I know it sounds completely corny, but it's true in our case. I could never, ever cheat on you or even look at another woman the way I look at you. No scratch that, no other woman could make me _feel_ the way I feel about you. When you walk into a room I can feel it, when you look at me I feel butterflies in the pit of my stomach. I've fallen in love with the way you say my name, your laugh, the way you treat your mother and your father, the way you light up when Charlie enters the room, I love how you've accepted me for who I am and that you love my brothers as well, I love you for you. Renesmee I want to spend the rest of my life with you, until the moment we die, if we ever die. I will keep phasing to be with you, until the very second you are gone. Renesmee, I want you forever, if you'll have me. Renesmee Carlie Cullen would you do me the honor of being my wife?"

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak, I would have thought that I was numb if I couldn't feel Jacob's hands in mine. I sighed, "Jacob Black, do you think that I would ever marry you?"

His shoulder's slumped, but before he would break down I corrected myself, "Jake, do you think that I could ever _not_ love you enough to marry you? But you see, my dad is pretty old fashioned and he may want you to ask him first."

"Oh well, that's not necessary." he said.

I raised my brow, "Oh really now?"

"Yeah, 'cause I already asked him and he said yes."

"What?" I managed to say.

Jake rolled his eyes, "He. Said. Yes."

I smiled, "Then so do I."

He gathered me into his arms, "I love you."

"I love you too." I mumbled into his hair.

I guess you could say that the dress we had picked up earlier was never worn to our prom, it was worn to our wedding.


	6. I Want Edward

**"I Want Edward"**

**To the tune of Aaron Carter's 'I want candy'**

I know a guy who's tough and sweet  
He's so fast, he can't be beat  
He's got everything that I desire  
Especially the fact that he's a vampire!

I want Edward  
I want Edward  
I want Edward  
I want Edward

He sneaks in my room when the sun goes down  
Ain't no finer guy in town  
He's exactly what the doctor ordered  
He smells so sweet, it makes my mouth water

I want Edward  
I want Edward  
I want Edward  
I want Edward

Edward in the sun, there's nothing better  
But he's so cold, I'm wrapped in a sweater  
Some day soon I'll make him mine  
Then I'll have Edward all the time

I want Edward  
I want Edward  
I want Edward  
I want Edward

Edward in the morning time,  
Edward in the hot sunshine.  
Edward honey can't you see,  
All I want is your body!

Edward in the morning time,  
Edward in the hot sunshine.  
Edward honey can't you see,  
All I want is your body!  
(Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey)  
All I want is your body!  
(Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey)  
All I want is your body!


	7. Hot N Cold: To Bella, From Jacob

**A/N: Hey! Another song! You should all know this one, but if you don't than what are you doing? Get on YouTube and follow along, just make sure you sing THESE words, not Katy Perry's!**

Hot N Cold

To Bella, From Jacob

You change your mind

Like a girl changes clothes

Yeah you, want to be

Like a leech

I would know

And you always think

Always speak

Crypticly

I should know

That you're no good for me

Cause I'm hot he's cold

He's yes and I'm no

He's in and I'm out

Thumbs up and thumbs down

You're wrong when it's right

I'm brown and he's white

You fought, you break up

You kiss, you make up

You, You don't really want to stay, no

You, but you don't really want to go-o

I'm hot and he's cold

He's yes and I'm no

He's in and I'm out

Thumbs up and thumbs down

We used to be

Just like twins

So in sync

The same energy

Now's a dead battery

Used to laugh (used to laugh) bout nothing (bout nothing)

Now your I'm plain (now I'm plain) angry (angry)

I should know (I should know)

you're not gonna change (change)

Cause I'm hot he's cold

He's yes and I'm no

He's in and I'm out

Thumbs up and thumbs down

You're wrong when it's right

I'm brown and he's white

You fought, you break up

You kiss, you make up

You, You don't really want to stay, no (Whoa)

You, but you don't really want to go-o (Oooh)

I'm hot and he's cold

He's yes and I'm no

He's in and I'm out

Thumbs up and thumbs down (Down)

Someone call the doctor

Got a case of a love bi-polar

Stuck on a roller coaster

Can't get off this ride

You change your mind

Like a girl changes clothes

Cause I'm hot he's cold

He's yes and I'm no

He's in and I'm out

Thumbs up and thumbs down

You're wrong when it's right (When it's right)

I'm brown and he's white

You fought, you break up

You kiss, you make up (You make up)

You, You don't really want to stay, no

You, but you don't really want to go-o

I'm hot and he's cold

He's yes and I'm no

He's in and I'm out

Thumbs up and thumbs down

I'm hot and he's cold (Ohhhhhhhhhhhh)

He's yes and I'm no

He's in and I'm out (Oh!)

Thumbs up and thumbs down (Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh)

You're wrong when it's right

I'm brown and he's white (Oh!)

You fought, you broke up

You kissed, you made up

You, you don't really want to stay, no (Whoa)

You, but you don't really want to go-o (Oooh)

I'm hot and he's cold (Cold)

He's yes and I'm no (No)

He's in and I'm out

Thumbs up and thumbs down (Dooooown)

**A/N**


End file.
